Gratitude

So I finally realized that I'd left things on a pretty uncertain and, let's face it, negative note, and I'm back to update with the GOOD things that I've been very grateful for over the last month.

First, and foremost, after last month's GD flail, I am back on track health-wise and feeling fantastic. Turns out that my diabetes has been totally under control with some fairly minor adjustments to my diet... and anything that means a little more protein (eggs, peanut butter and cheese, anyone?) throughout the day is fundamentally ok with me. Pricking my finger four times a day is less fundamentally acceptable, but there's definitely a lot of reassurance from seeing those (low normal!) blood sugar readings pile up over the days and weeks. For 32 weeks, I'm feeling surprisingly comfortable most of the time, and the Incubating Octopus has been astonishingly accommodating in directing most kicks and stretches OUT near my (almost non-existent) belly button, rather than up into my ribs or down into my bladder. Thank you, child.

Second, I had some amazing vacation time over the last month. Good friends of ours invited us to join them at their timeshare in Hawaii, so we had a week of sun, warmer temps and wind (well, no place is perfect) back in March. Haven't downloaded pics yet from the camera, but there were palm trees, black sand beaches and lots of lazy mornings on the lanai. Days after returning from that trip, I compounded my jet lag by flitting across to Rhode Island to celebrate my grandmother's 90th birthday AND for My First Baby Shower. Talk about gratitude, both that I got to spend a milestone birthday with Grammy (and let her feel the Octopus moving) and that I/we were so spoiled with gifts for this little peanut.

Third, have I talked lately about my amazing husband? Who did not join me in Rhode Island, but instead while I was gone painted a secondhand armoire so that it really does look like the one I found (and subsequently obsessed over) in a Martha Stewart book? If I haven't, it's probably for the best... otherwise I'm sure I'd get lots of eye-rolling and "enough alreadys." Anyway, the armoire is brilliant and just waiting for a few personal touches inside before we fill it with supplies.

And fourth, I am really getting excited to meet the baby. Up until now, June has seemed so far away that I've really just been excited for the next pregnancy milestone - the first fluttery movements, the first Dad-can-feel-it kicks, and all those things. But now it's suddenly becoming very clear that at the end of this pregnancy adventure, there will be a BABY. OUR baby. Logically, that seems almost too stupid to even say. Of course there will be a baby. But the magnitude of that? Not logical at all. And not self-evident, either.

Mostly, though, I'm glad that I can spend the waning weeks of my pregnancy in an overall state of gratitude and anticipation, rather than the worry and guilt I was feeling a few weeks ago. How LUCKY that is, to spend time, hands to my belly, feeling this little squirt squirm around inside me and imagining the body parts I'm feeling. To debate with Pat about whether the big hard spot we can feel is a butt (always my guess) or a head (his guess). To stroke the gorgeous, beautiful hand-made sweaters and blankets and the carefully selected clothes from loved ones and imagine the day coming up when these become the decorations of our daily life.

It's easy to be grateful and conscious when I'm well-rested, when the Big Change is still just a Big Bump starting to obscure the arches of my feet, if not my toes yet, from view. It's easy when I can be appreciative seated on a comfy couch. Pat and I try very hard to maintain this grateful attitude on a daily basis. Almost every morning, I get downstairs before him and get orange juice poured, breakfast dishes out and staged, lunches prepped on the counter, coffee started. And just as often, he comes downstairs and thanks me as if my doing so wasn't just about as much a given as the sun rising. When we clean the bathrooms on the weekend, he always does the shower, because the fumes make me dizzy. (And also, I hate cleaning the shower.) And each time he does, I thank him as if he had just self-molded and installed a brand-new shower. Sappy? Yeah, but what a good sappy habit to have.

As I get more and more excited about the big Arrival Day, my most fervent hope is that in the midst of exhaustion and stress, as we (joyfully) adjust our day-to-day to include this new third family member, we remember to be grateful to each other, and for each other, and that we continue to say so. And now, it's time for me to go and poke myself in the finger. If that's the worst this pregnancy brings me, I am truly grateful, indeed.